I am writing this to vent out a frustration I had with a friend on a dispute of why we choose to love/marry the people we do.
Apparently according to reserach carried out and theories developed we choose our life partner not because of love or any spiritual reasons but due to reasons such as attractiveness, body odor, physic, social stability, the ability to give birth etc etc. Maybe so, but how could we give less prominence to love when it comes to choosing a life partner? Do we merely go for outward appearances? Does only the chemicals and hormones in our body decide who we love? Isn’t there something more? Something deeper?
When argued with about this and the many research carried out and theories developed bombarded towards me to prove a point, I was determined to prove otherwise. So I frantically went through every article I could lay my hands on in hope of finding something to prove me right. To my dismay and quite not to my surprise I found none. Every study and research carried out only proved more and more that love was simply determined by chemicals and hormones in our body or by some very heavy scientific definitions.
Infuriated I sat down to think if what I believed in all these years was actually wrong. Could it be? There was no such thing as pure and unconditional love which was not determined by the level of attractiveness or social stability. Did people actually fall in love and marry mainly for selfish reasons? Then it came to me….obviously there was no research or study carried out to prove the existence of love or the other side of the story on how we choose our life partners ,because you obviously cannot measure something that cannot be measured! Every research has its limitations. You can only carry out research on measurable factors such as attractiveness, social stability and all the other facts that they claim to be true. One research was that men chose women who seem more capable of giving birth. For example: taller women have less complication giving birth than shorter women and thus the conclusion that men choose taller women as wives rather than shorter ones. True? Maybe so but is that a reason to choose your mate? I doubt it. When you first fall in love with someone do you actually mentally calculate their height and weight which will define their capability of giving birth? What about all those people who marry regardless of not being able to give birth? People even marry when they know their mate has a terminal illness and will not live long nor look stunningly beautiful compared to their friend’s spouse! Some others marry regardless of social stability and only in the name of love. How do you explain that? These are what they call “exceptional cases”
Fact is research is carried out for our greater knowledge and for us humans to satisfy our need to always feel completely in control of our environment and whatever that is happening inside and around us. We want to feel in control of every single thought, feeling and action that takes place. We like pretending to play God, pretending to understand. When the raw fact is….we don’t! So we carry out research and put fancy names for what we find and claim them to be true. Don’t take me wrong, there is many research which has been carried out that actually helps us medically and otherwise but why don’t we leave the things we can never fully understand alone? Why do we want to make love seem ugly and selfish?
If you think of it, can anyone actually define love? Why we are willing to lay down our lives for the one we truly love? Is it because we have an outburst of estrogen or testosterone? For me I believe in good old fashioned love. Where you love someone not knowing how or when or from where, regardless of their height, weight, facial alignment or body odor or capability of giving birth. Where you decide to marry because you know that life without that person would be horrible, incomplete and terrifying. Where you marry only for love. Thus, I still believe in love which to my understanding cannot be accurately defined scientifically or psychologically. Why ruin such an amazing emotion by trying to understand and define it? Leave the wonderful and beautiful things that cannot be define undefined…
